Dear mums of one, you are not alone

Dear Mums of One,

This Mother’s Day, I want to tell you that there is no shame in being a mum of one. Don’t ever allow anyone to make you feel less of a mum because you just have one.

Despite what people assume that our only child will be lonely, it’s not true because they have us. All of us.

Our undivided attention which they don’t have to share with another sibling.

Our only child never has to worry about favoritism and having to compete for your affection.

Society tells us that we need to have a big family to be complete. Do our part and contribute to nation building. Be fruitful and multiply. To try for a boy if we have a girl. To try for a girl if we have a son.

But a family of three can just be as complete.

Three is just as complete

Dear mothers of one, I know it can be lonely to be among families with 2, 3 or more kids.

Perhaps you had set your sights on a bigger family. But with each passing year, that hope get dimmer and dimmer.

The worst is having to put up with endless questions.

Why are you not having a second one?

Don’t you think your child will be lonely? Why are you being so selfish?

Why, why, why.

Oh if only they knew your struggles and how hard you tried.

You are just as Mum

Dear mums of one, if you find yourself questioning your worth as a mother, pause and stop.

You don’t have to feel any less of a mum just because you have one. Be at peace if you’ve chosen to settle for one. After all, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choice.

If 3 works for your family, no one should question that and make you feel guilty about it.

Being a mother is the toughest job in the world and everyone has our victories and struggles, whether we have our hands full or one child. Ultimately we are all just doing what’s best for our families. And always remember that Motherhood is rewarding and fulfilling,  regardless of the number of children we have.

I know that because I’m a mum of one and I couldn’t ask for more.

 

Celebrating Mums of One

This Mother’s Day, I’ve invited other mums of one to share their stories on being a mother of one child. Mothers, let’s all celebrate our special day and rest in the fact that you’re the best mother to your child.

“A child birthed by another woman calls me mum today and we are forever family. Through loss and grief, I’ve gained much more on this bittersweet journey. Adoption has been God’s plan right from the beginning and is at the heart of the gospel. I am privileged to experience and understand the magnitude of God’s unconditional love through my personal adoption journey.” Denise and Kayli

 

Thanks for sharing your story on adoption Denise. You have shown that biology is the least of what makes someone a mother and you are an incredible mum.

“We have always envisioned a big family with 3 or more kids but then it was not to be and we ended with just one. Despite what others may say, one is just right and perfect for our family. And that is enough.” Rosalind with Zachary.

Rosalind is an incredibly woman of strength whom I respect so  much. She is the founder of Angel Gowns Singapore and started group when she lost her baby. You are such an amazing mother Ros and Zac is blessed to call you mum.

“Being a mum of one doesn’t make me less of a mother than a mum with many kids. My worth as a mother doesn’t depend on the number of children I have. My worth as a mother depends on me being present for my daughter, imparting to her the values I hold dear, supporting her dreams and making sure she feels loved every single day. That to me is more important than the number of kids that I might be blessed with.” Ai Sakura and Lil Pumpkin

 

Ai Sakura is a fellow parent blogger and our girls are the same age. She’s an example that girls can be strong and she’s raising a fine young lady. Ai blogs at Sakura Haruka

“You are my 49% and daddy is my 51%, after all I’ve love him many more years than you. My heart is too full to have another baby. I want to have enough time for both daddy and you. With only one kid, it gives me enough energy to not only be your mother, but also your teacher, friend, playmate, story-teller and comforter. ” Iris and Ian

 

Iris is a sweet friend of mine who’s son is also 10 this year. I love how she always shares such precious moments with her family travelling and exploring new places and I aspire to be a fun mum like her.

 

And of course one from your truely 🙂

Show your Support for Mums of One 

Before you leave, I wanted to share the inspiration for this blog post. While the ladies featured have found peace and joy being mothers of one child , the same can’t be said for all mums.

Earlier this year, a reader messaged me to share how she had suicidal thoughts because she felt so judged and condemned by her family for being a mother of one child. My heart broke because it shouldn’t be this way and it stings because I had such condemning thoughts as well.

I know it doesn’t sound rational, but I struggled with such feeling of inadequacy for a long time and only reconciled with the fact that I’ll only have Sophie last year. No one should ever have to feel lousy or ashamed for being a mum of one, regardless if they choose it or it was by circumstance.

Stop the Shaming and be Uplifting

This post is for all mums of one to know that they are not alone. There are many other women who are mothers to one child and you have a community behind you.

If you know of an incredible mother of one, share this article with her to celebrate her and let her know that she’s an amazing mum.

I’m planning to set up a community group on my Facebook page where other mothers of one can connect and support each other as we wear our badge of honour with pride. Do drop me a DM if you’ll like to be a part of it.

 

To all mums, Happy Mother’s Day. Go ahead and celebrate your special day because to the world, we may be a mother. But to our family, we are their world.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you may like these posts where I share my heart about parenting.

Enjoyed reading this post? Do like my Facebook page to get more sharing on parenting. You can also follow me on Instagram (@ajugglingmom) for travel and fun places to go with your family.

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Comments: 2

  1. Melanie Hong May 10, 2019 at 4:40 pm Reply

    Dear Juggling Mom,
    Thank you for this insider view into thoughts of singleton mothers. As Mother’s Day approaches I would sincerely request that you handle this issue with some delicacy as there are many Mothers of None out there, who have tried their darnedest and have never had the fortune of bringing home a live baby.

    So please retain a sense of perspective and not victimise the moms-of-one. Some moms don’t even have one (yet or ever). Wishing you a fantastic Mothering Sunday.

    • Susan May 17, 2019 at 12:48 pm Reply

      Hi Melanie,
      Thanks for your note. When I wrote this, my intentions were to support mums of one. I have friends who are trying for a bb and I also know friends who have lost their bb. I know how hard it can be for them especially on Mother’s Day and writing this does not diminish their pain or anguish. I hope they get their support as well as they were not my intended readers for this article. I’m sure there are many articles on the internet that will speak to them.

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