Motivational Mondays – Disciplining with Love

Disciplining. It’s a topic that I have to admit that I’m pretty lacking in direction these days.

At four-and-a-half years, Sophie is getting more and more exasperating. I know she isn’t naughty and I should probably use that term lesser on her. Maybe she’s playful, impish but these days not a day goes by when I have to raise my voice at her because she simply refuses to heed my instructions and worse will even purposely do the opposite of what’s expected of her just to test her boundaries. In fact, what gets me really mad is when after getting spanked, she can still tell me it doesn’t hurt. But what makes me even more disappointed is when her teachers in the childcare also gave the same feedback of her behaviour in school.

Needless to say, I’ve become more frustrated and hot tempered when dealing with her misconduct and have even resorted to caning her when she out rightly disobeys and talks back. There are days when she ends up going to bed crying her eyes out because of the punishment from us and I’ll have my heart broken when she tells me that she loves me in between sobs and promises not to repeat the same offense again.

As a working mum, it’s hard not to question if I’ve raised her up well. We teach her her Ps & Qs, to mind her manners and be considerate and polite to others. Yet, she chooses to defy our instructions and do what she wants without any regard for consequences or consideration to others. It may sound like I’m a tiger mum, but I’m sure I’m not alone in my discipline woes.

On one hand, I know that she’s still a child who’s not even five and some things are indeed beyond her comprehension as she can only process what’s before her.I know she’s always tempted  to play and break the rules rather than sit while others look like they’re having fun. Yet on the other hand, I don’t want her to act like we have not been guiding and teaching her what’s right and wrong.

Discipline must always be for their best interests and must never ever be done in the heat of the moment

Sometimes it is with a heavy heart that I tell Sophie that I have to discipline her so that she’ll remember and not commit the same offense again. And one thing that I sometimes forget is that discipline must always be for her best interests and it must never ever be done in the heat of the moment. There are times when I have to call a time out on myself so that I don’t crush her with my harsh words. After all, discipline must lead to teaching a child the consequences of their actions and not as a way to make them pay for their wrong doing.

At the end of the day, I’m reminded that just as we need God’s grace, we need to show that to our kids when they do the wrong things. As much as we want to teach our kids, we have to make sure that they remember that they know they are loved no matter what they do. Regardless of the discipline, I always ensure Sophie by giving her a big hug and letting her know that I love her and that nothing will change that fact or make me love her less.


My little imp

What are some of your discipline woes you face with your child and what do you do to teach your child? I’ll love to hear from you.


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Comments: 4

  1. Dorothea May 19, 2014 at 9:21 am Reply

    Hugs Susan!! Discipline is such a crazy huge whirlpool to discover, am still learning as I go too. What always gets to me the most in public settings, is feeling like everyone is looking at me and going (internally) tsk tsk, why this mother cannot manage her child? Soooo difficult to get past my own insecurities to calm down in “the heat of the moment” as you put it. Jia you!

    • Susan May 19, 2014 at 12:28 pm Reply

      Trust me I’ve been in that place before and used to get so affected by strangers giving me the look of disapproval when Sophie goes wild or when I lecture her in public. But after I shared this with my aunt, she helped me look at things from another perspective and I even blogged about it in this entry. There will also be judgments from others who don’t know better and we should not allow them to affect us or cast doubts on our parenting. You’re doing a good job Dot. Jia you.

  2. Adeline May 19, 2014 at 2:09 pm Reply

    Even though Noah isn’t old enough to express himself like Sophie, I struggle to discipline him at times too. It’s really tough because he deliberately goes out of his way to do something that I explicitly tell him not to do, and when I scold him for it, he cries, but when I ask him if he can still do it again, he will say yes. Sometimes, I think it is because he wants attention from us, and any kind of attention, even the negative kind, is good enough for him. I’m trying to be more firm, and calm, when dealing with him, instead of losing my temper and shouting at him. I’ve got a long way to go, for sure! Hugs to you, and I hope we will both be able to find a good way to discipline our little ones.

  3. Lyn lee May 24, 2014 at 1:38 pm Reply

    Hi dear I think you’re doing a great job already. Don’t think any less of yourself cos you work! Just by bothering to discipline her is love in action, and I think any parent that is conscious and intentional about discipline (as opposed to not caring at all) already has half the battle won.

    Jiayou to all of us! I’m also trying to figure out this balance.

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