Remembering our marriage vows

Last week has been a particularly trying week for me emotionally.  We were dealt with two bad news one after the other that left me feeling lost and despondent.

Two weeks back, Alexis complained about getting aches and pains in his shoulder and back. The pain got worse each day and he was so affected by it that all he could do was to retreat to his room to rest hoping that the pain would subside. It didn’t and got worse when he experienced numbness in his right arm.

A visit to the doctor last Monday got him worried as he was diagnosed with degeneration of the spine and he was referred to a specialist to go for an MRI.  That evening , he was particularly quiet. Before putting Sophie to sleep, I went over to our bedroom and laid down beside him.

Alexis: Will you still love me if I become paralysis?
Me: Don’t be silly. You’ll be fine. And yes, I’ll still love you and take care of you. Go to sleep and don’t worry too much.

I had to be strong for him but inside me, I was worried.

To help relieve  him, I stepped in to drive us home after work, which is and still is a nerve wreaking experience for me especially with the unnerving evening traffic. Because his aches act up more by the end of the day, he’ll sleep extra early, leaving me to deal with an overly active toddler who refuses to sleep. 

Then on Wednesday, we went to see my gyne as we’ve been trying for number two for a while. Before this visit, we did some tests and the results were not looking good. Though I was a picture of calm, when she said the words, fertility assistance and IVF, I felt crushed inside.

I know that we’re tremendously blessed to have Sophie and really she’s more than we asked for. We count our blessings that compared to other couples who had to go through so much to have a child, a year of trying for us was really nothing. Still my heart ached.

But at this point, the priority is for Alexis to get better. So, I’m staying strong and doing my best as a wife to give him support, encouragement and rest when he needs it. It’s not easy, in fact, I feel tired doing solo-parenting these days with Alexis out of action with an aching heart. There were times at I snapped at him because I got so tired.

But I’m reminded of our marriage vows made 7 years ago.

“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part.”

When you’ve been married for seven years, love is shown in action more than words. And it’s something that I’ve learnt from Alexis by the things that he’s done for me regardless of whether it goes noticed or unnoticed by anyone else. Now it’s my turn to step up and be that support for him, for us.

How has your marriage been put to the test recently and how are you sticking as a team?

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Comments: 41

  1. Kless September 16, 2013 at 11:13 am Reply

    Wow, definitely not easy to deal with two blows at the same time, but hang in there.. I trust that God is always good, and He will make everything turn out for the best. Hoping for the best for you and your family.

    • Susan September 16, 2013 at 4:14 pm Reply

      Thanks Klessis.

  2. Angie.S September 16, 2013 at 11:20 am Reply

    The Lord will calm the raging seas…He will be your anchor and your deliverer. Let not your worries burden you, cast them to your Heavenly Father, who loves you and carries you in the palm of His hands. You are a very strong and brave wife/mommy. You will be blessed!

    • Susan September 16, 2013 at 4:15 pm Reply

      Thanks Angeline. I’m reminded to trust that God is always more than enough for me and bigger than our circumstances. Thanks for your encouragement.

  3. Nerdymum September 16, 2013 at 11:20 am Reply

    Keeping you in positive thoughts. Stay strong and hopeful! Cheers

    • Susan September 17, 2013 at 4:29 pm Reply

      Thanks Donna.

  4. Madeline September 16, 2013 at 11:26 am Reply

    Thanks for sharing your struggles Susan! You’re very brave! Will keep praying and believing God that everything will work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose! 🙂

    • Susan September 17, 2013 at 4:30 pm Reply

      Thanks for your prayers Madeline.

  5. Motherkao September 16, 2013 at 1:34 pm Reply

    It’s not easy, especially when you’re stressed out at all fronts. Stress reveals you and tests your love and patience, and even if you blow it, remember you’re only human. We have God’s grace to lean on, and that’s really the best part. My husband broke his leg and was handicapped for half a year after my second child was born and it was a tough time for me. I lost my temper at him all the time and my stress revealed me – that I couldn’t put him before myself and love in tough times. But we learn, and I learn… and we really just need to find strength in Him everyday. Hugs to you, Susan!

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 12:40 am Reply

      Thanks Elizabeth. To be honest, I lost my cool when I was so tired from caring for Sophie after work single handedly too. I am still learning how how to be stronger emotionally so that I can handle it better. It’s not easy but I’m taking it one step at a time and trusting God.

  6. Dee September 16, 2013 at 1:48 pm Reply

    Susan, sorry to hear about what had happened. Will keep Alex and your family in prayer. Hope his back will get well soon. Eat well, my friend; it’s our key defense to sicknesses.

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 12:44 am Reply

      Yes, that’s one area we are more conscious of now as well. We have been neglecting our health in our youth but hope it’s not too late to make changes. Thanks for your prayers, Dee.

  7. Adeline Oon September 16, 2013 at 2:09 pm Reply

    Hey Susan, prayers with you that Alexis will bounce back to optimal health asap and that for you to rest in His open heaven. Sometimes, things happen when you least expect it to so keep the faith, take time to recharge and not stress your body. *hugs*

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 12:45 am Reply

      Thanks for your encouragement, Adeline.

  8. Janice September 16, 2013 at 2:13 pm Reply

    Susan, I’m sorry to hear about the news. I totally understand u regarding dealing with emotions coz since Mother’s day, I had to deal with bad news too. It doesn’t quite help that people around me are getting preggers and low EQ preg mommies are telling me every single bit about their pregnancy! However, I told myself to focus on good things eg my daughter and meanwhile, eat healthier, which i’ve been doing so. It’s just so unfair at times when i think why does such thing have to happen to me when in my opinion, i’ve been a good person and taking good care (to the best i can) of myself. I think it’s a test from someone up there for us to realise the better things in life. I do hope that u n Alex stay resilient in the midst of such adversities. N i duno if it helps, but I’m a staunch believer in TCM in the area of fertility. Big hugs to u, Susan. Stay strong!

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 1:00 am Reply

      Yes the pregnant friends and the countless questions on when number two is coming never fails to make me silently sigh. But I know that everything happens for a reason and God’s still in control. Alexis is not keen on TCM though I did ask him to try. For now will see how the physiotherapy works.

  9. Jenn - Lil Bookworm September 16, 2013 at 2:27 pm Reply

    ‘For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.’ Hebrews 4:15-16 KJV. Commit to the Lord, He shall shew thee light.

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 1:00 am Reply

      Amen, thanks.

  10. June September 16, 2013 at 3:07 pm Reply

    Hey Susan, we’re praying and believing with you for healing for Alexis’ back. God is good all the time, and He will make a way for you both. Big hugs!

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 1:01 am Reply

      Thanks June. Yes, regardless of the circumstances God is good all the time.

  11. Ai Sakura September 16, 2013 at 3:26 pm Reply

    Sorry to hear the worrisome news about Alexis. Will be praying that he recovers soon and definitely, everything will be well in His hands. Be strong and take care of yourself too!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 1:02 am Reply

      Thanks Ai.

  12. Nadia September 16, 2013 at 4:23 pm Reply

    I hope this tide passes quickly… in Him you shall trust, He can heal and He can give. So as much as it’s painful for you to see the husband being in pain, have faith that this will all pass one day. Perhaps, you may want to seek a second opinion or other forms of treatment for the husband. Most importantly, maintaining a positive attitude is key to feeling better 🙂 Also, God gives in the most surprising ways, so you’ll never know when number 2 may just come by. Perhaps it may not be a good time now, but then again the time to have the second may be when everything has passed, 🙂 Nevertheless, I pray the best for you and your family. Have faith susan!

    • Susan September 18, 2013 at 1:05 am Reply

      Yes, we are believing for God’s healing and God timing for everything. We are keeping a positive attitude and am already so touched and heartened by the tremendous support and encouragement from so many friends who are praying with us and sharing contacts who can help. Thanks for your prayers Nadia.

  13. Jiahui September 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm Reply

    Hi Susan, believing for complete healing for Alex and miracle to come for you. Praying that you experience God’s faithfulness daily as you walk this journey.

  14. San September 16, 2013 at 4:51 pm Reply

    *hugs* Praying for you and the family, for the peace that surpassed all understanding to cover you guys in this way.

  15. Homeschool@sg September 16, 2013 at 5:16 pm Reply

    It must be really tough. I can only offer my prayers & hope that all the lemons thrown to you will become lemonades! I was listening to a gospel song, sharing the lyrics with you here:

    In the arms of His love, I find grace
    In the arms of His love, there’s sweet quietness
    Nothing can harm me, NO reason to fear
    Safe in the arms of His love.

    When you feel like you’re falling, remember you are only falling into His arms of love.

  16. The Little Mom September 16, 2013 at 6:01 pm Reply

    I believe its tough for you. Hope you find the energy to stay strong and hope that Alexis recover soon. Take care.

  17. maureen September 16, 2013 at 6:20 pm Reply

    I teared when I read this. Stay strong susan and get well soon, alexis!

  18. Emily September 16, 2013 at 9:22 pm Reply

    So sorry to hear this, Susan. Pls stay strong and have faith. I will pray for Alexis’s good health and speedy recovery too. All the best. 🙂

  19. Haifang September 16, 2013 at 9:44 pm Reply

    I am sorry to hear what u are going through. It’s tough and it takes enormous strength to be doing what you are doing. Sincerely hope that everything will b well soon. Maybe you would want to consider seeking 2nd opinions ? Pls take care and many of your readers will b there to hear u out

  20. Candice September 16, 2013 at 9:56 pm Reply

    hugs, Susan. these are pretty overwhelming issues to deal with. it’s not easy, please stay strong for your loved ones. you’re right – it’s more important now to help Alexis get better. do keep us updated on his progress. have faith!!

  21. Jus September 17, 2013 at 1:11 am Reply

    So sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through, Susan! Will keep you in prayer. Stay strong, and keep leaning on Him for strength ok?

  22. lilsnooze September 17, 2013 at 3:03 am Reply

    Sorry to hear what these and thanks for sharing. Stay strong and do remember to rest too. Hope everything will turn out well for you and family.

  23. Lynn September 17, 2013 at 6:55 am Reply

    Hey, thanks for sharing your heart. Indeed you have to stay strong during this period and pray that God’s strength will be manifested in our weaknesses.

    He will bring you and your family through. 😉

  24. Rachel September 17, 2013 at 4:31 pm Reply

    Sometimes in life we do get thrown into unexpected storms, I believe this must be a painful and difficult season of your life. I do pray that the Lord keeps you, Alexis and Sophie safe in the palm of His hands. Cling onto Him, surrender your troubles at His feet and the storm will pass really soon.

  25. yAnn September 17, 2013 at 4:37 pm Reply

    Stay strong, Susan! Speedy recovery to your husband and all the best for #2.

  26. Adora @ Gingerbreadmum September 17, 2013 at 8:06 pm Reply

    There’s nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said. Big hugs, Susan.

  27. DinoMama September 18, 2013 at 6:33 am Reply

    Stay strong Susan, I’m sure there will some kind of a cure or treatment for Alexis, he will get better. Perhaps you can seek a few close friends’ help to take care of Sophie for a couple of hours while you take a power nap?

  28. Corsage @ A Dollop Of Me September 18, 2013 at 10:05 pm Reply

    Big hugs Susan. Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Keeping you and your family in prayer. God will see you through. Have a good break next week and come home refreshed!

  29. Seeing Red - A Juggling MomA Juggling Mom October 14, 2014 at 11:18 pm Reply

    […] let down but a blow that things are not getting better in this trying journey for us to have a second child. In fact, we’ve embarked on TCM and for three months and we thought that things are looking […]

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