Being a parent is tough work these days. In fact, it is the toughest, on-the-job job that I’ve had to date. One that keeps me up at night in the early years, then changes my life completely and now takes the most of my every waking hour and drains me of all energy when I’m home.
As rewarding as it may be, very often I find myself questioning my ability as a mum as I ask these questions before I lay down to sleep.
- Have I provided enough?
- Am I spending enough time with Sophie?
- Can I do more to teach her how to read?
- Have I brought her up well?
There are days when I swing from being a chill mum who’s sticking her guns not to sign Sophie for any enrichment classes to being a panicky mum who’s all worried if Sophie is learning enough for her age.
Lately, I’ve been teaching her to read using the phonics techniques that her teachers have using in the childcare centre. I don’t think I’m all that bad a teacher but these days, I facing more resistance from her when it comes to learning and worse, disinterest even though her teachers tells me she’s alright in class.
I got impatient with her and even talked down to her when I said, “You already read this word so many times and you still can’t remember it?”
My lecturing and condensing tone obviously didn’t go well with Sophie and she refused to read anymore and even gave me a face which made me even more mad. I really felt at wits end and in exasperation asked Alexis what we should do with her. That night, we concluded that we should be more firm and stern in our parenting and start meting out discipline so that Sophie will learn to take us more seriously, but somehow I felt very unsettled in my spirit.
But God heard the cries of my heart because the next day, the sermon was given by a pastor and his wife who are parents to 3 kids. And in their honest and candid preaching and sharing, one thing that really struck me was how we all need the God Factor in our parenting. That is to trust that God’s got His eyes on our kids and He is with them to guide them.
Every answer we need on effective parenting comes from God. That morning, the word for me was how to be an affirming mother and to learn to celebrate the little successes even though Sophie was not learning at a pace that I wanted her to. I spoke harshly the day before but that did nothing to her self esteem and I left her feeling lousy about herself.
I left the service with an important lesson that discipline must be done in love. Even though we may be angry that our kids have bad attitudes that needs correction, we must never forget to remind our kids that we love them.
I know that the journey of parenting is going to be a long one and the road ahead only promises more challenges and even heartaches. But I confident that if we tap into the wisdom of God, we will be able to parent with confidence to raise up Sophie in a Godly manner who will have a godly fear to love and honour God and us as her parents.
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Tagged: Parenting
Hi Susan, thanks for this heartfelt post. I too have been reminded recently to affirm Vera more – noticed that she really craves for affirmation and positive words and loving actions from us, and when she gets upset over squabbles with her brother, this really shows all the more. When I use affirming words to reassure her that she’s not secondary to her brother (which she may sometimes feel because of the pressure as the elder sibling to give in to him), she responds a lot better and calms down easier too.
I think at this age, we don’t have to be too stressed about training in academics, because these they will learn when they are ready. But in building Godly character and values, and playing a lot outdoors, strengthening their muscles and grip, learning about nature and exploration…I’m hopeful that these will provide a strong foundation for future learning and growth. Jiayou – we’re all on this journey together.
Thanks for leaving a note June. I have to keep reminding myself to take a step back at times and let Sophie develop at her pace and stop comparing her to other children. It’s gets harder and harder as I hear parents sending their kids for all kinds of enrichment so that they children can be ahead of the game. But these days, I’m getting more concerned that I’m not teaching her the right values when I only emphasis on one aspect of her development. How we need wisdom from God to be a loving and balanced parent.
“Discipline must be done in love” I like that very much. And I have been trying to tell myself this as well. We certainly need a lot of patience and love in order to discipline effectively, yet lovingly. Thankfully, we have God on our side =)
Yes, amen for that.
I too fall short of my ideals in parenting everyday. Sometimes it’s really because my kids are stepping across the line. But sometimes it’s also because of my own impatience. One thing I’m learning to do is to apologise to my son whenever I feel my angry response is uncalled for. It seemed contradictory at first to admit to my child that I was wrong… But I think it actually made him more willing to listen to me
That’s good. I’m also losing my patience way too often with Sophie and I need to watch how I conduct myself in front of her least she picks up all these bad behavior from me. Let’s jia you together.
I think we all need to discern the right amount of pushing to give our kids. Too little, and they become unnecessarily slack. Too much, and we stress them needlessly. I’m also trying to figure out this balance. Let’s pray for each other!
Yes, I do need prayers. For wisdom and for grace to be a good mum to Sophie. Praying for you too.
I’ve been shouting way more than I should at the kids. It’s really hard not to, especially when they are only getting things done properly after getting a scolding. When I try to be nice, they push it. How they know to do this at such a young age?!
Mannn, I really need to explore more ways of parenting/teaching.
They learn fast eh. But in a way, they are also on a learning journey themselves? That’s why as parents, it’s so important that we guide and teach them the way by being an example ourselves.
Parenting is incredibly tough! I’ve been struggling with an issue with my son who was in a 5-day full day preschool program. I know part of me felt like I was a failure as a parent because my son was having meltdowns in school. As we’ve worked through the issue, I’ve come to realize that not every situation fits every child. We need to really look at them and see them clearly and figure out what it is they’re saying they need.
Thank you for linking up to Motivation Monday!