Last weekend I had a bit of a melt down…okay, that’s putting it too mildly.
Last weekend, I lost myself.
And by that, I meant I was nothing like what you get even on a bad day. And what triggered it was because the hubby delayed booking the hotels for our up coming trip which meant I had to scramble to look for alternatives. I hate being sprung with surprises like that and with the heat, the crazy pms hormones in overdrive mood, I lost it and screamed at him. I threw cushions, slammed doors and screamed at him. Oh in case you’re wondering, no Sophie was not home when mummy turned into a monster.
Was it really necessary? Would all the drama land us the hotel I wanted? Most probably not. But when you’ve lost it, you’re completely thrown off the edge and nothing can pull you back unless you want to.
And that explains why I felt so sick in the stomach after the whole episode. Sick because I screamed, sick because I cried, sick because I couldn’t control my emotions and let it take over me. I felt horrible but at the same time felt like I’ve released all these frustrations when I screamed into my pillow. Yes, I even did that!
By evening, we made up but I still felt sick. When Sophie saw me hugging my stomach with tears rolling down my check, she came over and said a prayer for me for Jesus to take my tummyache away. She even asked if I needed anything and brought me warm water with daddy’s help. What I was more surprised was when she told me that she will not wake me if she needed to pee and that she wanted to rub baby oil on my tummy to make me feel better. When I couldn’t keep my dinner down anymore and threw up, she stood over me and rubbed and patted my back. I felt so guilty for my childish behavior and here is my daughter who behaved so maturely beyond her years.
I’m blessed and yet sometimes I’m blind to the goodness in my life. I’m feeling much better today after a good nights’ rest and am reminding myself that being well is not just physically but also emotionally and mentally. I hope I don’t come across sounding like the green hulk and make you think less of me.
If you do, I’ll just blame it on my PMS.
Do link up every Monday with my Motivational Mondays post. Don’t forget to grab my badge below and include it in your post after you have linked up and leave me a comment too. I will be hosting Motivational Monday every week and I hope that you can join me every Monday. Have a great week ahead!
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Tagged: emo, Mental wellness
Susan,
I do get that way too, especially when things don’t go my way. I’m not proud to admit it, and up till now, I’m still trying to be a better and more tolerant person.
I don’t like getting surprised (in a bad way) too, but sometimes, in doing so, I forget that I still have to be thankful for all the other things which I have been blessed with, and then I have to learn to deal with unexpected things in a mature way.
I thank God for the little ones, though. For I believe, as you have put it in your post – that just as much as we try to teach them about life, they show us what life truly is all about.
🙂
Just as much as we try to teach them about life, they show us what life truly is all about. – I didn’t realise how true that can be until I had a daughter. Now I can understand why they can be such a tremendous a blessing to us.
*Hugs* Susan, I can totally identify with with what you went through, cos recently I had a very bad meltdown too at the hb. This is only human, and there are many times that life throws u so many challenges that the only thing we can go is to crumble and scream out of frustration.
Your post is a good reminder that being thankful of the good things in our lives can help us handle these tough moments…and most of all we need to see things in perspective. Also helps to take breathe in slowly, and then exhale…that’s how i deal with my crazy temper at times.
Reading about how sweet and endearing Sophie was to make u feel better, really shows that u are indeed very blessed to have her.
I guess it’s also been one too many stressful moment to deal with in weeks and I just have to let it ALL out! That said, it did feel very therapeutic to just cry. Gosh I sound like a baby now.
hey Susan, I get into rampages like these too n often it is coz of the hub who doesnt bother toplan. so as mmuch as I appreciate n love him, I get into petty frenzies at times. its normal. n with work n kids it’s tough to keep our emotions in chk. I m ill now too not coz I went insane or the hub stepped on my tail but all the suppressed emotions n physical stress. so thks for sharing…it mks me feel oh so human again!
We all need to remember that letting it out is better than keeping it all inside. Though that said, I could have handled it way better. Hope you’re feeling better soon. *hugs*
Hey Susan, even the happiest people have their meltdowns too. I get it from time to time too and yes, I’ve done the pillow shouting too! It was also my girl who came over to give me a hug and wipe away my tears. Ain’t we lucky to be their mums? Just want you to know that you are not alone and be strong in these times for one way or another, you will get through them and the sun will shine once again. Glad it’s bright and cheery now! =)
Yes, we will get through the darkest days…Thanks Summer, we are indeed blessed to have our daughters 🙂
I lost it only once when DinoBoy was still a baby, screamed n scratched hub’s hand and dunno what else. Not proud about it but yet glad tt did it coz I felt too overwhelmed with the new baby n a great load of other stuffs.
I still feel overwhelmed and have an urge to lost it again becoz I’m just a human. However instead of lashing out at any one, I took a calmer way out… I go to sleep! hahaha! Sleep it off and think of a solution tmr.
Hope you are feeling better now.
Hey Susan, chin up and cheer up! You’re not alone in this. I have had too many meltdowns these years, I myself think it’s hell living with me! But God’s grace will see us through and make us better each day, tempering our spirits and shaping our will. Jia you!
Oh yes, I’ve had many many meltdowns myself, I guess sometimes life can be really overwhelming, esp with kids in the picture. Its so sweet that Sophie was so concerned for her mummy!
Big hugs to you! I do that when the stress takes over me too, and most recently for the boy’s birthday plans. I also take it out on the man one too many times. So please don’t be too hard on yourself. The positive thing that comes out of these meltdowns is that any unhappiness gets released making us feel better. Not the best way to relieve stress but it works. Your post also reminds me that we should not take the men for granted by taking it all out on them. Give Sophie a big hug for me k! Such a sweetie!
Glad to read that you are feeling better..sometime the stress really gets too much and we boil over but after reflecting on it we learn how to deal with our own feelings better. Hope that everything for your upcoming holiday has been settled.
Hey Susan, thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. It must have been difficult for you to write this post. We all have meltdowns and we all have such days so don’t be too harsh on yourself. It really warmed my heart to hear about what Sophie did for you. She’s such a sensible little girl. Hope you’re much better already! Hugs.
aiyo poor thing u… everyone has a little drama in them.. u are cool like that!
Oh what a sweet sweet little girl you have. Bless her heart!
I think we’ve all been there before, loosing our usual composed self – thanks you hormones! – and it’s perfectly normal. Stress can really wreck havoc in our body. I noticed when I’m stressed out I will bloat like nobody business.
Hope you are feeling better now 🙂
Hey, we all fall over like that sometimes, and you’re definitely not alone. Days like that, I try to get out and have a quiet moment, let the stress wash over a bit, and return when I’m feeling more grounded and more able to deal with issues positively. We all have bad days, but that doesn’t make us bad mums. Jiayou and bless little Sophie for cheering you up and on!