I have always thought that I was a cool mum when it came to academics. After all, you only get one shot at a carefree and happy childhood once in your lifetime and I wasn’t going to ruin it for Sophie signing her for all kinds of brain training enrichment or burying her in books.
But at five-years-old, we finally caved and signed her up for Chinese enrichment classes at Berries as we already planned to send her to a SAP school, only because it was the closest one to our place, might I add.
As she got older, the comparison between parents started to emerge with one Facebook post here and another whatsapp post there. Sure, I also posted updates of Sophie’s achievements like a proud mama but when I read that other kids are learning even tougher words for 听写 or their spelling, it suddenly made what she has learnt pales in comparison.
Whoops she needs to learn how to spell February too
I was even more taken aback when I heard that some kids are already writing in sentences for their spelling and 听写 and wondered if her school was being too relaxed in their curriculum.
And then I realised that I became THAT mum that I dreaded.
The kind of kiasu mum who’s afraid that her child will lose out academically among her peers.
The mum who’s always asking how’s her studies instead of how’s she coping in school.
That mum who’s starting to push her academically without paying attention to what she enjoys doing.
And it sucks to feel that way, because Sophie senses my disappointment when I say things like, “You still don’t know how to write that word? or “How many time must I say, the word is spelt this way?”
I’m not saying that academics is not important, but rather it is the parent’s attitude towards it when we make the child feel like it it be all and end all of their existence. God forbid that to happen since children do get stressed by their studies and some even end up being so stressed of not meeting their parents expectations that they chose to end their lives. How tragic…
When a friend posted a question to the experienced mums in a closed FB group on one piece of advice they’ll give to those of us whose kids are going to primary one next year, many gave good and practical advice from teaching them to wake up on their own to life skills like paying for their own meals or choosing the right company. And this is what I added,
“To surround myself with mums who are not hung out about being KS mummies. As it is being in the rat race as a working mum is tough enough, don’t want to subject my daughter to it so soon too. Must always remember that academics is not everything, but character is.“
And as I typed that, I am determined in my heart to be less hung up about what Sophie scores for her spelling or 听写 and to always assure that I’m proud when she gives it her best. That what matters most is that she put in effort and hard work and learns from her mistakes. I want her to always remember that Mummy and Daddy’s love for her will never be diminished by what she scores and that she’s blessed with special gifts and talents that’s waiting to be discovered (though I’m crushed that art is not one of them).
I just need to keep remembering that when she gets to Primary One and not get sucked into all these comparison and end up being a KS mum (colloquial term for being afriad to lose).
What’s your strategy to keep calm as a primary school going parent?
Tagged: primary school
I love your article… I have the same thinking… I always tell my 6 year old daughter to put her 100 percent effort in every field; let it be academics, sports or other extracurricular activities. I always tell her that efforts matter; results doesn’t matter. If she works hard, that’s enough for me and so I buy her a gift whenever she does so.
Yes, at the end of the day all we ask is that they give their 100% and do it with a positive attitude.
I feel the same way too.. kinda feeling the jitters for when she starts P1 next year and wondering if she will cope, or just wither under the pressure. I think pushing kids to excel to the best of their abilities is good, but it really needs to be a balance and we need to focus on what’s good for our kids, and not what other kids are good at.
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Yes, fully agree on the balance that you mentioned since our kids may need a nudge from us here and there now. And as parents, we should also encourage them to lad a balance life now with some playing, some reading, some outdoors and not just keep them cooped up studying all day when they start school.
Yes, agree that a lot of it is choosing carefully who to surround ourselves with! Reminds me of that blog article where someone said it’s just as important for parents to choose their friends wisely, as it is for their kids to choose their friends wisely (what we always try to tell our kids)!
Yes, good advice that I must remember. To surround myself with positive parents and not KS parents.
Honestly i still prefer to leave the academics to school teachers, no enrichment, no assessment books outside standard childcare school work, so home is a place the kids can return to and do what they truly enjoy doing after a long day of 12 hours in full day childcare.. And if they do pay attention in class, there’s indeed no need for other form of reinforcement.. I’ve seen kids who can do more than mine but as long as my kids can cope with what their teachers in childcare expect them to do, I’m not bothered by other parents or other kids.. i never envy my classmates who study so hard till they are ill mentally, but i do envy those who study smart and live a fruitful life.. so i only wish my kids to have a good learning habit and that’s all…
To be pushed so hard or to face so much stressed until they start to fear other’s judgment and belittle themselves is really so tragic to hear. That’s why I always tell Sophie to discover what she’s good at because I believe that studying is just one aspect, though an important one, for her to enjoy school in future. You’ve been a good role model for many of us Felicia and I need to just remember that when she starts Pri One! 🙂 Thanks for leaving a comment.
Well said! : ) That’s why I decide not to join any P1 chat gp or ask too much of what’s been done in other schools… At the end of the day, there’s really no basis for comparison. The comparison would be how much my child has fared for himself. To always have that teachable spirit and learn from mistakes. Frankly, my boy’s school quite lax…hee. Only 2 homework so far! So am quite happy for him. : ) As long as we fix our eyes on the perfector of our faith, He’ll steer us in His secure path.