It’s been 3 weeks since we started sleep training for Sophie. And by sleep training, we meant kicking her out from our bed and into her room tom sleep on her big girl bed. You can read more about it in my earlier post.
Some nights, she surprises me when she so readily cooperates and tells me with great pride that she’s a big girl and is sleeping on her own bed.
Other nights, she pulls out all stops to try to delay her bed time. Her most commonly uses excuses are:
- One more book
- I want to brush my teeth
- I want to go shee shee
- I want more milk
- Pain, pain (Pointing to some miniscule part of her body)
On nights when I’m tired, I just lie down and hope that her whining stops while I pretend to sleep. But when I’ve made plans for the rest of the night, I get more and more irritated knowing that the later she sleeps, the lesser time I have for myself. Which was kind of what happened last evening.
After one hour had passed from lights off and I saw her sleepy eyes peeping at me, I lost my cool and threatened to spank her if she still didn’t sleep. Immediately, the flood gates poured and she told me her tummy was in pain.
So I rubbed some baby oilment on her tummy, kissed her good night and told her to sleep. Within 5 minutes, there was silence. I laid down in that silence and pondered about my actions.
Can I really blame her for wanting to spend more time with me? To ask mummy for another story before bed time? And to scratch mummy dearest for comfort before going to sleep? She has after all not seen me for the past 10 hours while she was in the child care and when I am with her, I didn’t give her the undivided attention that she deserves.
So I’m making a promise to be there for her. Not just being physically with her, but to give her my fullest attention and yes that means less twittering, and facebooking on my mobile phone.
I like this poster and am putting this on my wall paper as a reminder.
What about you? Has technology taken over a part of your life such that you’re there but not there for your kids these days?
Let’s give our children the attention they need before they turn to other sources for attention.
Tagged: reflections, sleep training
i dont have a smartphone and so all attention are to my kids 🙂
yes, totally, Susan. so it’s good to always have a quiet time when we reflect on our “deeds” every day. i have also been more conscious on the way i behave and what i do when im with ally. afterall, “monkey see, monkey do”. thanks for sharing.
Yes it’s a conscious effort to do that for me. I’m really glued to my handphone (Not proud of it).
I sometimes go online after Baby’s asleep… but when he’s in his cranky mood or sticking on to Daddy and Mummy to play well past his bedtime, I think to myself that there’s nothing online that cannot wait.
We miss him, too… because the hubs and I work long hours, he only gets to ‘be’ with us alert and awake for just a couple of hours each day.
My son would not allow himself to sleep if he’s not tired out. I tried a system of control by trying to put him to bed at a certain time, but he just fought back – even when he was so tired (perhaps to prove a point). In the end, I realised that it not only make the bub upset and rebel, it also made me short tempered because he wouldn’t listen!
So for some time, I allowed him the luxury of sleeping when he feels like it. In time, he gradually set his own body clock, and points to the room at about 9.30. He drinks his milk, lies down at rest with me (we’d both be watching whatever I want to watch on TV), and is asleep by latest 10.30pm. I’m lucky that Baby sleeps through blaring loud sounds, although he needs to have the room in semi darkness.
Perhaps when he’s older and has school to attend, he would automatically sleep earlier and wake up earlier, too. Right now, I think this selfish Mum still wants to play with her baby for more hours in the day.
Same here. Because we work, we end up home around 7 ish. And after settling our dinner, the cleaning up and all, it’s time for bed. I do wish I can spend more quality time with her everyday. And like you said, when they do not cooperate, it makes me so frustrated sometimes.
Actually I dunno if its really they wanna spend more time with parents or just plain ‘Notti’. I noe it cldn’t be dat ovann wanna spend more time with me as he sees me 24/7.
Every nap time I oso hv trouble making him sleep. Sometimes he is already very tired but just wld’t sleep. The moment I tell him abt dragonfly coming, he will close his eyes n fell asleep within 5 mins!
Hiaz ….. The hokkiens call this ‘Hong sim’, where he just wanna play n dun want to sleep. I dun quite hv this problem for nite sleeping though.
I like your last statement – “Let’s give our children the attention they need before they turn to other sources for attention.”
Anyway I experienced that in the past too… when the girl would take more than an hour to sleep/nap and myself falling asleep, and waking up, and seeing she still has not entered dreamland. a few times i have actually spanked her in my absolute anger… and when she finally drift off to dreamland, i wonder if i could have handled it better.
and these few nights when she finally moved to her own bed (in our room though), i’ll lie down beside her and throw my hand across her and be her security item and in that pitch darkness, she seems to doze off quite soon. maybe it’s cos i finally get my space back on my own bed so i’m SLIGHTLY more tolerant of her needing my presence/touch to sleep. afterall, a better night’s sleep means better patience towards the girl. 🙂
I’m also guilty of using threats with Sophie. Which ends up in tears for her and leave me even more exhausted. And yes when I have enough sleep, I’m patient with her… well actually everyone.
It is a kind of hassle each night to get all the kids to bed before 10pm. They do have a routine or bed time story, tooth brushing but it takes way too long to get all 3 settled that by the time all doze off to sleep it can be nearly 11pm.
It’s not easy to be there for them but I’m sure that they will cherish the moments where you are there for them.
Ling: I ought to take a break from my hp to spend more time with my girl.
Nina: Haha I would scare Sophie with butterfly. No idea why she’s so scared of them but it has worked and I scare her that butterflies will fly into her mouth if she doesn’t brush her teeth. Sounds so nonsensical but who cares if it’s effective. Evil laughter…
Suz, I applaud u for making this commitment! Recognising technology connects pple but also at times can also be barriers coming between us! Games, FB, twits … Am with u n am going to keep reminding u too! Muack
Guilty as charged. It’s always such a challenge, but I remind myself that V & J will model our behavior next time, and we don’t really want them to be high on tech quotient, but low on EQ! Insightful post, dear.
Children love that sense of security, they want to feel like they are cared for and that mom or dad is around. I always told my daughter stories and resassured her I’m not far, funny thing is? She’s all grown up and I miss it when she made excuses to stay up with me 😀
Thanks Tse Wei!
Ever guilty of that… ” Especially when I had made plans for the night…” Like your poster reminder!
So understand what you mean! My girl is a night owl so it’s so hard to get her to sleep on time. And by on time, I mean at 10.30pm! Sometimes it can drag till 12 midnight n can really be frustrating especially when I wanna blog! Haha. But your reminder is really timely 🙂
Madeline,
Same here, I blog at nights. So when my plans get disrupted, it does make me more inpatient with her.
Although I’m not a parent yet, my ex-boss told he and his wife will take terns nightly to read the daughter a story during bedtime on their bed. When she is fast asleep, would carry her to her room to train her to sleep independently. Now, the girl has gotten use and she reads a book before her bedtime by herself in her room. It takes them some time to inculcate this habit in his daughter. Hopes this can give you something to think about.
Hi Lee Lee,
Yipe, I have to remind myself that it takes time for her to learn how to sleep independently.
You made me cry! I totally understand the situation b/c I’m there soooo many times! I loose my cool more than I should and I know it’s bad b/c it affects my son. One day he’ll throw a tantrum or loose his temper, and I’ll know exactly where he got it from. NOT GOOD. Tks for the reminder to spend QUALITY time, not just time, with my son, who I know will grow up way too fast. Good luck on the sleep training!
Sometimes, I missed the times before I switched over to a smartphone, because I’m not tempted to check it all the time! Sure, technology gives us lots of conveniences, but it has also given us more distractions. So yes, I’ll make that commitment tow, that when I’m with my boy, I’ll give him undivided attention. As the saying goes, they are only young once. And not just for my boy, but for the hubby too 🙂