We finally decided that enough is enough.
I can no longer tolerate having to put up with another person kicking my rib in the middle of the night. Or worse having to wake up to a leg in the face.
I really hate to say this, but dear, as much as I love you, you have to go
.
.
.
.
.
.
and sleep in your own room.
It’s hard to believe that she once enjoyed her cot so much
We should have stuck to our guns and trained Sophie to sleep independently when she was younger. But after episodes of separation anxiety, bout of sickness and yes I admit it, plain laziness on our part, we caved in and allowed her to stake her claim on our bed.
While a queen size bed sounds big enough to accommodate 2+1, the toddler however, sleeps anything like a baby anymore, rolling and kicking in her sleep, resulting in us having to sleep precariously on the edge of the bed. You can imagine the body aches we end up with the next morning. Not funny at all.
The day her mattress arrived, Alexis and I did a mini celebratory dance.
No doubt, it can be daunting for a toddler to make the big transition from daddy and mummy’s bed to her own bed. So we got her to choose her bed sheets and even borrowed a book on being “Big enough for a bed” to encourage her to sleep on her own.
I really wished I had success stories to share. But the truth is, I still have to sleep beside her and tuck her to sleep while she did her nightly routine of scratching my arm. And when she realises she’s alone in the middle of the night and cries for me, I’ll go rushing to her bed side and end up sleeping there with her.
Not proud moments for me, but I need my sanity. And when I don’t get enough sleep, I’m an absolute grouch that you want to keep your distance from.
So the million dollar question is, how do you train your child to sleep on their own PLUS stay in their bed through the night? Oh and maybe you can answer this bonus question of how to get them to sleep early (before 10pm) too.
Can I just say how grateful I will be to you for taking time to share your sleep training techniques.
But if you’ve had little success like me, do let me know I’m not failing as a mom.
And don’t forget to link up tomorrow on my Merry Mondays post as we kick Mondays in the behind and beat the Monday blues 🙂
Tagged: big bed, cot, sleep training, toddlers
Good luck! Maybe try making/decorating the bedroom into a place she loves? Giving rewards? Elliot sleeps in his own cot since young with the CIO method so I’m afraid I’m of no help here. Or how abt putting the mattress on your bedroom floor first? Once she’s used to it then transition her to her own room?
Got Baby G his own bed too. Then got another mattress for me to sleep on the floor beside him. Middle of the night, will sneak out back to my own room. If he wakes up, I will go over, accompany him til he sleeps again. Perhaps it may help if u and Fifi don’t share the same bed but just the room while she gets used to being on the bed by herself, yet knowing she is not alone. Takes time but I know u can do it … Who knows, maybe u will miss her from your bed. I know I miss Baby G and will sneak into his room sometimes. Hahaha. Hang in there.
Hi, I’m trying hard to get my three-year-old to sleep on his own too! 🙁 He used to sleep in his own room when he was younger, until I converted his cot to a toddler bed. He totally refused to take his nap or sleep; climbing up and down his bed.
Then one fine day, he said “no” to his room and migrated to ours, and since then, he’s been fighting with us for space on the bed. I tried shifting his bed to our room, next to our bed but he refuses to sleep in it! I’m at my wits end!
As for sleeping early, I usually start winding m boy down at 8pm. Shower, story-telling and lights off. I’ll play some children songs for him, and prepare to sleep too. Sometimes he would yak non stop or start monkeying about on the bed. I ignore him and let him be. He usually knocks out by 9 odd. Hope this helps! 🙂
Hi Ade,
Sleeping by 9 plus will be a dream come true for me. We usually get home around 7 ish to have dinner. On days that I cook, I’ll only start winding her down at 9, after the dishes are washed and I catch a breather myself. Perhaps I should just concentrate on spending time with her and putting her to sleep earlier. The dishes can wait 🙂
My friends have advised me to be more strict about having them in their own rooms. But sometimes I am too tired to be strict. I need lots of discipline myself!
Good luck with your sleep training too!
Greg is coming to 4 yrs old but he still end up on our bed zzz (though we tuck him in in a mattress in our room). We have told him after his 4 yrs old bday he is getting out!
Gd luck to us !! :p
Kat: Sophie already has her own room since she was born and we had it all decorated. But you’re right, we could do more to make her more comfortable it in, like bringing her toys and book shelf in. Will try that 🙂
Sandra: I used to sleep on the mattress on the floor beside her bed but that would means she cant scratch my arm, so she’ll crawl down her bed and sleep with me. We are not rushing her into it, after all we also acknowledge it would take time. Thanks!
Gladys: Good luck! Looks like Sophie is not the only on who over stayed in our room. Will he and Joy be sleeping in the same room or will Joy be sleeping with you? Are you still breastfeeding Joy?
We plan to let them sleep together next time but dunno if can work out. Yup still bf Joy, but Joy now sleeps in her own cot in different room. So we know we must not make the same mistake of ‘introducing’ her our bed next time…Greg used to sleep separately too but when he fell sick we let him zzz with us, just like you with Sophie…n big mistake haha :p
: ) you are not failing as a mom susan you are a wonderful mother. I think its difficult because since young Sophie was sleeping in your room. I’ll prob have the same issues when its Zac turn. Super nanny way and I did this a few times with Reb too was soothe her and then keep putting her back in the bed when she cries and leave the room!
Gladys: We were more resolute when she was younger and will put her back to her cot even if she fell asleep on our bed. But the night wakings got one too frequent and hence the mistake of caving in. All the best when it’s Greg’s turn 🙂
Jessie: thanks for the encouragement. On hindsight, we should have stuck to our guns and not allowed her to sleep with us. After all, she did used to sleep in her cot in her own room. But the lack of sleep at that point seemed too much to bear and hence we are regretting it now. Crying out loud method? I better read more and execute it well. Wouldn’t want to try it and let her get traumatize by the experience.
Hi Susan! As I had extended size bed room back then, my 2 children slept with us in the same room with mattresses on the floor till when we renovated separate rooms for them at the age of 7 & 5 respectively. (So its P2 & K2) My elder child, son, was easy going and I didn’t have trouble coaxing him to sleep through in his own room. Only my daughter was very difficult likely because she has been very sticky with me. I struggled for almost a year until she finally got used to sleeping on her own. The nights were horrid, having her walking into my room and waking me up 3-4 times. But we stood firm, went mad at times but otherwise gently coax her back into her room till she fell asleep. 🙂
Hi Ade,
I was just asking a friend who has two kids if having a sibling to sleep with them in the same room makes the transition easier. Guess it may not be guaranteed, like in your case. So I’m reminding myself to be patient and let her have a comfortable transition so that she’ll be confident to sleep independently in time to come. Thanks for sharing your experience 🙂
Hi Susan,
Seems like she has your arm as a sleep prop eh? How about try getting her a doll and encourage her to scratch the doll’s arms instead? Tell her baby doll is gonna bunk in with her from today onwards. And encourage her to scratch baby’s arms as baby needs her help to do that in order to fall asleep. Once she can achieve that, you may wanna slowly exit from her room altogether. I read once before that children rely on last memory. If they fall asleep with you in sight and then cannot find u when they wake up in the middle of the night, likely they will be fussy. So if you overcome letting her fall asleep on her own without your presence, there’s a better chance she can ease herself back to sleep even when she wakes up ands herself alone.
This is what’s happening to Anya. We leave her door ajar so she knows she still has to access to us but gradually, she could sleep through the night in her own bed most of the time now.
Hi Joyce, thanks for the advice. I did try substituting my arm with the bolster but your idea of using a doll didn’t cross my mind. I’m sure it will be more effective especially since she’s given a responsibility to help baby go to sleep. I shall try that and let you know if I have any success with that!
After delaying it for 2.5 years, we probably need to do that soon too. Apart from her terrible sleeping habits and falling off the bed on several occasions, I think I’ve had enough of waking up to a foot slapped across my face. Bought an Ikea bed but think we’ll start with just setting up the bed in our bedroom. I’d be happy if she can just stay inside and return the masterbed to the parents. 🙂 Good luck!
Hope that Yahn makes the transition to her own bed soon as well. I know what you mean, the flying feet and having to contort your body while you sleep around her is no joke at all. All the best!
Hi Susan,
my 2 kids (P1& P3) are still sleeping with us ! 🙁
I have 3 rooms,
1 – occupy by 4 of us,
1 – by mil and sil,
1 – walk-in-wardrobe cum study room
seriously I really dont know where the kids shld sleep as they are growing older day by day sigh…tell me what to do
Time to upgrade!
Hey, my son relies on my arm as a sleep prop too! Except for him, it’s my elbow he likes stroking. Sometimes it’s my leg. It’s v weird and for that reason, I’m in the same position of always having to lie down beside him before he sleeps and find it hard to move him into his own bed. (He’s already 3.5 years old!) I tried giving him other things to hold and stroke but nothing has worked. do share if you find a good solution!
Oh my… and I thought I was the only one!
Coincidentally just posted about the elbow earlier on! 😀
For the past two nights, I have been telling Sophie that she has to learn to sleep on her own so no stroking of my arm and it’s been good so far. The first night, I compromised and let her stroke my fingers. But it must be not as gratifying so after a while, she gave up and just turned around and slept. The 2nd night, I put a bolster between us… Hope I don’t speak too soon.
Hi!
We are thankful that both of mine sleep on their own beds and room at tender age. My girl used to be afraid of dark so for a short period of time we left her dim light on. So when my son was about 6mo (he is now 4yo) we shifted his cot into the same room as grace and they both sleep together in their respective beds. As I breastfed him then, I was also sleeping in the same room as them (we have a bunk bed, girl on top, mummy at the bottom, son in the cot). I was too tired to go back to my own room after bf so I slept with them till my son was 15mo and he weaned. Then,I moved back to my own bed. I so missed my bed and hubby so am truly thankful 🙂 but my son was not used to mummy not in the same room so for about 2-3 weeks he kept coming to our room and I have to bring him back to his. No giving in even if he cried pitifully because you just need one time of giving in and that’s it. So endure and thank God it went well. Sometimes he does come over and just climb up our bed and slept besides us (he became so skillful that most of the time I am not aware till I turn 🙂 but when we carry him back to his bed there’s no protest. Thank God. So must endure and persist on. You and your girl can make it!! Jiayou!!!
Thanks Jean. What you shared gives me hope that I can do it too. But your son must be training to be a ninja to go undetected by you, how cute!
I can’t agree more on starting the kiddos to sleep on their own bed in their own room as young as possible.
My elder boy started when he was merely a 9 months old baby. My second boy joined his big brother when he turned 3 months old. Many had commented they were way too small to sleep alone, and that includes my mom. I was even labelled as cold-hearted haha. But well, no regrets! All of us gets quality sleep, and most importantly hubby has the space and peace to charge up for next day’s work.
Of cos the training and transition period was a little rocky (especially for my first born) and the result is beneficially for all in the family.
Keep talking to your lil gal, don’t give in to her cries or rush to her once she cry for you. I’m sure she understands what you’re telling her, just that whether she wants to accept it or not. :p Kids nowadays are so smart and they really know how to make us feel guilty. haha But still, no excuse to cave in to their demands at times.
Its up to your to what extend and when you want to get back the ownership of your bed *wink* Jia You!
Yes very determined to claim ownership of my bed. I miss my space so much and will remember all the success stories shared here. Thanks for the encouragement.
Hi Susan,
Your work day and woes sound a lot like mine… I’m lucky if I get home by 9.00pm – counting the travel time from my in-laws place to home (East-West).
Right now I’m happy to have my 14 mth old sleep with us… and my husband, who bears the brunt of the kics and punches feels the same way. Perhaps it’s also because we get to spend so little time with him during the day, and playtime + bedtime is merged into one. He’s not into transient things, but he needs my elbow to sleep. Don’t know which is worse… carrying a blankie, bolster, toy, or chopping off my elbow!
I know we will come to a point when BabyMoo has to be migrated to his own bed (which has been collecting dust since he was 6 months old) but I’m hoping that he will want to do the ‘big boy thing’ and make his own transition. Definitely not looking to the trying times ahead.
Ethan slept in his cot in our room till he was about 2. Then he moved to a toddler bed but still in our room. He slept in his own room when he was about 4, in the same toddler bed so there’s familiarity. I think it’s about taking small steps and transitioning gradually. Since Sophie has been used to sleeping on the big bed, it’ll take a while to break the habit. Just have to be firm and consistent.
For Ethan we had to sleep with him on his bed till he falls asleep and leave the light on. He woke up a few times initially but we persisted in putting him back to sleep on his own bed. He got the point after some time. The initial training period is tough but it’ll pay off 🙂
Going to try getting Chloe to sleep in Ethan’s room in about a few months time. Hopefully it’ll be easier since she won’t be sleeping alone.
Chloe is starting young 🙂 Hopefully having Ethan with her will make it easier for her. My mom keeps telling me she’s too young to sleep by herself but we actually did it when she was less than a year old. So this is just way overdue.
Its difficult is all I know. For the sleeping early question I think the answer is to ensure they don’t nap too late. Between 4 to 8 they shouldn’t be sleeping then they should fall asleep easily at 8. As for sleep training a toddler, I’m at a loss myself. Now I just throw Sophia into her crib and she have no choice but to sleep. Or walk around inside the crib but she quickly gets bored of that. For older kids on a proper bed though they can always get out of bed and I’m not sure what can you do other than coax them back. Perhaps you can try finding out what exactly she’s scared of and dealing with that? Like if she’s scared of the dark then give her a night light. Do share what worked when you succeed for the benefit of mums like me whom I’m sure will face the sleep training issue in future!
Hi Elaine, I’ll be sure to share when Sophie does learn to sleep independently. I know I’ll be able to go through these with all your encouragement!
Great tips on when it’s my turn to put our 19mo in his own bed…won’t be for a while tho. Guess my advice is tho it may be tough in the short term, just keep your eyes on the prize/outcome. The longer the “short term easy solution” is dragged out, the farther that long-term goal can be realized. Good luck!!! You’re doing great and certainly not a failure. Cute photo of her next to her window, by the way.
Thanks Lisa. I call it her out of bed look. Yipe my eyes are focused on the prize, my precious sleeping space!
Good sleeping patterns need to be cultivated from young, and kids always follow parent’s behaviour. (eg sleep later than 10pm, or supper )
I need one more year to dispatch my youngest out of our room haha.
Meanwhile, wishing you more beauty-sleep in the weeks to come 🙂
[…] What children remember Motherhood, ParentingMarch 29, 2012No comments It’s been 3 weeks since we started sleep training for Sophie. And by sleep training, we meant kicking her out from our bed and into her room tom sleep on her big girl bed. You can read more about it in my earlier post. […]