Breaking the rule of not quarreling in front of the kid

One of the golden rule in parenting is never to quarrel in front of your kids. Parenting experts will tell you that children who witness their parents quarrel or fight will grow up emotionally damaged, traumatised and even depressed with a dent to their self-identity in their growing up years. As kids, they can’t differentiate between a constructive banter or a heated argument and they even may jump to conclusion that daddy and mummy no longer love each other when they hear raised voices.

And as much as we try to avoid conflict in our marriage,  let’s face it, this is real life. So yes, we do have our moments of disagreements with raised voices in front of Sophie. I’m not proud of it of course. But I’m learning to take control of my emotions and not blame it on PMS, which I do 90%, 75% of the time.

 

Last weekend was one of those days, when Alexis made a comment at how disorganized and untidy I am, when I was in the middle of packing. I stopped what I was doing and retorted, “That’s why I’m already packing, what else do you want“…. and the flood gates poured (This time it was really due to PMS, I kid you not).

Sophie heard the commotion and came to my bedroom and heard us going to and forth about how I don’t have a proper system to keep my things and me arguing that I only have that many hours on weekends to clean, pack and tackle the hundred and one things to do on my list.

At some points, Sophie even jumped to my defense and told daddy to stop scolding me because I was trying my best to pack, which made me feel happy and also like the worst mum in the world. Alexis finally decided to help me pack after I calmed down and we both worked away.

And then Sophie said these words of gold

See mummy and daddy you’re working together. You are a team now, don’t need to quarrel, right?

That’s coming from a five-year-old. My five-old-old.

And after we were done packing, we gave each other hi-fives and I even apologised to Alexis, only to have her chip in, “Mummy, what are you sorry for and what will you not do again?” So I said sorry for my lousy attitude and thanked hubby for helping me to pack all within Sophie’s ear shot.

That evening, before we slept, I told Sophie that sometimes just like how she makes me mad, sometimes Daddy and Mummy get angry at each other but it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. She understood this as I always reassure her of my love even when she gets disciplined by me. And that night, we prayed for extra dose of patience and also love for everyone in the family and to be more lovey dovey to each other and not quarrel.

Lesson Learnt

While we avoid arguing in front of Sophie, it sometimes happen in the spur of the moment when tempers flare. But still there can be lessons to be learnt. Like in this case, how you can choose to be part of the solution instead of just pointing out a problem. And humility to apologise and adults also have to say sorry when they are in the wrong.

At the end of the day, we are far from being perfect parents. We can only strive to be better dads or mums for our kids than we were yesterday.

 

 

 

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