Hi, I’m Susan and I have an anger problem.
I know I probably don’t show this angry side of me to most people. But boy, have my buttons been pushed to the max these days by Sophie. So much so, that it’s beginning to bring out the absolute worst in me and unfortunately those that get the brunt of it is Sophie and even Alexis if he’s in the way.
I mean who are we kidding, parenting is tough. And with a fiercely independent toddler who is as stubborn as a mule ( call her the one with the 牛脾气 because she’s born in the year of the ox), I feel that I need to scream some sense into her especially when she’s behaving badly. Sometimes I even catch her being so overwhelmed with frustration that she can clench her fists and teeth as she flatly refuse to do as instructed, which leaves me even more mad.
But after a while, I’ve come to realised that perhaps an angry mum shouting at her to get her act together is probably the last person she’s going to pay attention to since I’m not even walking my talk. And yes, she may have even picked up all those antsy feelings from her when I lecture her.
And more importantly, she’s picking up on my angry vibes when I scold her and she looks at me with those puppy eyes and asks, “Why are you get angry with me mummy?” I can’t blame her if she thinks that my anger is directed at her, after all children don’t know that it’s not personal.
So if I want Sophie to learn to better manage her emotions, it has to start from me being a good example to her. And in this aspect, I’ve given Alexis the green light to point out when I’m not practicing what I preach.
But what I can do is also to
- Get more sleep. Oh yes we all know how grouchy one gets when we are sleep deprived.
- Learn to relax.
- Take time outs.
Motherhood is not an easy journey but I’m thankful to have a support system of fellow friends who are mums who can understand some of theses frustrations and allow me to vent. I’ve also learnt a few things from fellow mummy bloggers like Mummy Wee and Mamawearpapashirt who have shared their journey on being less angry and to parent with more love.
How do you deal with anger as a mum especially when the kids misbehave?
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You know what? I lost my temper at my son this morning too 🙁 All because of a silly 10 word spelling test. After dropping him off at the school, I thought about what had happened and instantly felt so guilty. He looked so sad and couldn’t verbalize his thoughts to me at that moment, so even if I was in the wrong, he could only just sit there and ‘take it all’ from me. *sigh* If you find an anger management course for parents, pls add my name to the list too. Seriously need to control my temper with my child and not use pregnancy as a lame excuse anymore 🙁
I know that guilty feeling all too well myself Liza. And sometimes in the heat of anger, I say harsh things that I later realized were so hurting to Sophie. Thankfully, she forgives easily so I’m still her number one be friend. Jia you we all have bad days, pregnant or not. Just got to remember that we have to hold our tongue and not hurt them with our words.
sometimes it can be really hard to keep our cool with kids.. we need to pray or calm down before reacting and it does help a lot to keep cool.
Yes, deep breathes…..
Yes, I tend to lose it when they throw tantrums or repeatedly don’t obey what I’ve told them to do. I think it’s a balance between disciplining them and keeping our emotions under sufficient self-control. There is good anger too! 🙂
Big hugs, I deal with anger alot too, and Junior J bears the brunt of it since he is older. I guess we have those mad mom moments, and I’m learning to pray more about this, plus like you said, get more sleep! Hang in there, and I’m glad that children are always quick to forgive us when we ask them for forgiveness when we lose our cool.
I know what you mean. The lack of sleep certainly doesn’t help! I recently took off for a solo staycation and it was a very good break for me. Try it!
I admit I have an anger problem too 🙁 especially with a 3 years old daughter who often drives me up the wall. At times, I lost my temper and yell at her and regretted later. I will then hug her and seek for forgiveness, at the same time tell her why did I yell at her. I hope to be a better mum and better manage my temper. Gambateh! We can be a better, less anger mom.