Children Learn What They Live

The poem, Children Learn What They Live, was commonly seen in bookshops back in the 80s and 90s. As a child, I remembered seeing this on my refrigerator door, which was most likely put up by my dad who was was big on motivational quotes and posters. Though the author was unknown, I thought that the values made a lot of sense in raising up children and told myself that these are the values that I want my child to have in future.

But as I reflect on my parenting ways, I feel that I have fallen short in so many ways. Sure, I have days when I feel like an A star mum, when I’m calm and collected, with full of praise and encouragement for Sophie. When I take an interest in everything that she shares with me about her day and do all kinds of fun things with her.

But they are days, when I can be an absolute mean mum, who’s snappy and short-tempered and end up becoming Sophie’s worst critic pointing out her short-comings and making sure that she knows them loud and clear.

Just last evening, I lost for patience at her when she spelt day as bay and when her writing was floating all over the page. Instead of helping her find ways to remember her b and d, I raised my voice and scolded her for getting it wrong…AGAIN.

At the back of my head, I know it was my anxieties acting out as I was comparing her to the kids who were the same age as her who could tackle spelling with ease. So for her to even get b and d mixed up was unforgivable at that moment…

So I did a quick poll on my facebook and asked if it was a common mistake for five-year-olds and I had many who assured me that it. But one of the comment left by a friend struck me with guilt  where she said, it’s common for her six-years-old but she’s not bothered as it’s all part of growing up and they’ll eventually learn.

 

It’s a part of their growing up journey

It’s so true isn’t it. It’s just all part of their growing up and learning journey.

They will make mistakes. They are learning how things work. And bit and bit, they will get better than they were yesterday.

And as a mum, I should know that how I reacted out of anxiety caused her to doubt herself and her emotions took a huge beating from me.  But in our home, adults are not immune from apologising when we make a mistake, so I asked to lie down beside her and said sorry for hurting her feelings and promised to help her learn and be more patient.

Our children learn what they live. And how they live depends on the environment that we’re bringing them up in. The world out there is already one scary and warped up place where values are no longer valued. Don’t make the home like the world out there too. How are you shaping your child with how they live and learn today?

 

Dear Sophie,

I promise to always parent you with with the best of my ability. To step into your world and understand how you view it from where you are. To slow down my pace, so that you can live your childhood the way it should be- carefree, fun and not hurrying from here to there.

I promise to nurture your sense of wonder and inquisitiveness instead of asking you to stop your questions. But please, one question at a time. I promise to not allow comparisons to determine how good you are or who you are and more importantly, to never be your critic but your greatest cheerleader in life. I promise to not give up on parenting just because there are hard and tiring days but to always remember that being your mum is one of my greatest joy.

I pray that you will live in the security of our love for you and grow up being confident of who you are so that you can shine in this world in your own unique way.

Love always,
Mummy