Alexis and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary last Sunday.
6 years ago, we stood at the altar and took our vows, “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” It’s a vow we intend to keep for a long time and it’s a promise to each other that we will honor to the best of our ability.
The 6 years of marriage have not been without its ups and downs. We’ve had our share of petty quarrels and even heated arguments especially over child care matters since Sophie entered into our lives. But at the end of the day, we lay our egos aside and work through our differences because we know that we’re both on the same page for what we want in our marriage.
So when I asked Alexis what he thought was the secret of making our marriage work, he pondered and replied, “We must remember that we are team mates on the same team.” with gusto in his voice.
He went on further to point out that despite our differences, we always have the same goal in mind even though we may have different ways of tackling them. We may not agree on every single issue but we’re always aligned when it’s comes to the big decisions in our lives, like starting a family, making a career switch and when to have number two. But because we are still individuals, (and God forbid that we should lose our sense of individuality after marriage), we will tackle them differently based on our family upbringing, personalities and life experiences.
Marking our anniversary date at Udders
Someone once told me that “A great marriage is not when a perfect couple comes together, but when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. Your goal is not to change your spouse. You need to seek first to understand your spouse and then to be understood. Don’t do it the other way around.”
Great advice, but it’s easier said then done. After all, don’t you wish that it’s your spouse who has to accept your differences?
That’s why it’s so important to practice unconditional love in your marriage on a daily basis. And one of the ways is to celebrate your differences and try to put yourself in yours spouse’s shoes. Your differences can be a blessing and bring color and variety to your marriage. After all, what fun is it when both of you are exactly the same?
What is your secret to making your marriage work? I’ll like to hear from you 🙂
Tagged: celebration, love, vows, wedding anniversary
Happy anniversary susan!
Thanks Michele Soon!
It takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage work. Especially when you add more children to the mix. Individual time with each one of our family members is the key.
Yeah, with a kid now she takes up so much of my time away from the hubby. That’s why he insisted that we have our own couple holiday so that we don’t neglect our marriage. I must learn from you, you have 3 and must feel so stretched for time.
Great subject my fren! V happy for u n Alexis. V glad to hv witness u 2 going thru each milestones together hand in hand…. Congrats n wishing u many many wonderful years ahead!
Thanks Ho Tse Wei 🙂
True that! Erm I dont think I’m in the position to say cos mine is still young.. but for us it’s being just as quick to forgive as you were angry. And trying not to hold a grudge. I have a big problem with that sometimes!
Follow this mantra, I forgive and I forget. Because honestly, if you ask me to name of the fights and quarrels we had in the past, I struggle with that, because I really forget and block them from my memory.
Happy Anniversary Susan! I like what your hubby said about being on the same team, it’s a good reminder for me. I’m like you in that I don’t have the ability of remembering past grievances once they are sorted out and done with, it’s a good God-given ability!
For me, these few things worked:
Open communication (finding time once a week/fornight) to chat about a few issues close to my heart (easier said than done!)
DON’T NAG (no matter how much I feel unappreciated and overworked at times)
Remind myself to remember the good in my hubby (very conscious effort!)
Telling myself my hubby is my lover and friend, while I be a mother to my baby, not to him!
Happy anniversary, dear! Hmm, secrets to making marriage work…maybe not secrets per se, but more like pure and simple hard work and lots of effort to communicate, be open with our feelings, and also relying on God’s grace and love at work within us. 🙂
Amen. It takes more than just working hard to make marriage work. Only with God’s love can we know how to love unconditionally in our marriage.
Congrats! You 2 look as cute then as you do now! Great secret to marriage. We r realizing that now too. Open communication is key for us. Always willing to discuss
Good advice, Lisa. I realise that it’s been some time since we had such heart to heart talks. Especially now when my daughter still wants me to put her to sleep. Most of the times, I just fall asleep in her room. Gotta change that.
Many more great years to come for you and your husband!
I’ll always remind myself to be thankful and grateful for whatever things my husband does for me or for the family. Also, just laugh at his jokes no matter how lame it gets! LOL
Haha,are you sure you don’t secretly like his lame joke?
Congrats, guys! =) I totally agree with Alexis. Matthew and I are always mindful that we are “on the same team”, and because the both of us have very different upbringing, family background, preferences etc – the way we tackle the same issue is sometimes vastly different, even though we have the same goal/aim in mind. Thankfully, we communicate quite well and we’re open to hearing each other’s opinions on the reasons why we do certain things in certain ways.
More importantly, I thank the good Lord that, despite the differences in upbringing etc, Matthew and I have roughly the same views and attitudes to most things – the stuff that’s important anyway! That’s very important coz to play on the same team, you have to have the same goals in mind.
That’s exactly what my hubby said too. And I can’t agree more too. Most of the times, it takes a lot of honest communication to trash things out to reach an agreement which is best for everyone. We may have different views, but knowing that we’re in it together and want to get to the same goal, keeps us in perspective.
I’d say focusing on the Lord helps us remember the bigger picture. And being willing to forgive and forget is always helpful! When small things REALLY annoy you, remember all the BIG things that you adore abt your hubby!
Good point. I should think about writing a post and dedicate it to him for being such a great daddy to my daughter.
Happy anniversary! Those were wise words your friend shared. For me, what I try to live by is to say more when it comes to good things and say less when it comes to bad things. So I try to remember to thank and praise my hubby for stuff he does, and when things go wrong, I try to hold my tongue and not blame him or make sacarstic remarks. And pray for grace from the Lord!
Yes, it’s not easy to get a hold of our tongues and sometimes I have to remind myself how I would like my hubby to react if I were in his shoes. But agree, only by the grace of God.
Hi Susan thanks for the anniversary ❤! I think we tend to think of marriage as a forward journey, but in long-term relationships that may not necessarily be the case. We may take steps back sometimes (i.e. something changes for the worse) or be stuck in a rut. In my own relationship, the willingness to pause, breathe, and start over has kept us together.
I also once read a book titled How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It (recommended by Oprah, haha!) Again, the assumption is that everything has to be talked out, but this book raises some important points, e.g. talking at the wrong time can actually drive people apart. Men don’t exactly jump with delight at those “Honey we need to talk” moments! Tempering my own need to talk everything to death has also helped! 🙂