Parenting lessons – Being intentional parents

It’s Children’s Day today in Singapore and unlike most child care centers that are closed for the day, Sophie’s child care is having a Children’s Day celebration with a Prince and Princesses theme.

We just got back from a six days holiday in Hong Kong this week and I was quite hesitant to take leave to join her for the celebration. But I know that my presence means the world to her and she’s every so proud to tell her teachers and friends, this is my mummy, as she introduces me with a wide smile on her face. So just before I left work yesterday, I applied for half day in the morning so that I can be there with her. To be there for her.

As a working mum, I sometimes feel that I’m short-changing Sophie by not spending more time with her. When I look at my friends who have chosen to be stay home mums, I often wonder how things might turn out if I chose that path. I know that for some, they do it because they can’t find alternative care arrangements and I’m so thankful that right from four months, she took to infant care and subsequently to child care well.

Now that Sophie is four years old, I feel that I’ve missed out on so much of her growth and development that it surprises me how she’s bloomed into this confident and spunky soon-to-be preschooler. She’s certainly  growing up faster than I can catch up and boy do I wish I could slow her down a little. Of course, some would say that for working mums, we can still spend quality time with our kids on weekends. But really can our so called quality time really make up for quantity time and do our kids feel the same about this justification?

In fact, the reason why we’ve gone on a recent family holiday to Hong Kong instead of a couple holiday to Bali is perhaps our subconscious way of two working parents trying to compensate for the times we are away from Sophie. I know that one overseas holidays is not going to cut it, neither will more toys or presents.

As a mum, my deepest wish for Sophie is that her childhood be filled with precious memories where her parents read to her every night before bed time, allowed her to unleash the adventurer spirit within when she wants to learn rock climbing, cheered for her when she picks up a new sport, walked hand in hand in parks and picking out flowers, shared a sundae with her, brought to different parts of the world, doodled and coloured castles and rainbows with her….

For me, this inspirational quote sums up how I desire to be a more intentional parent.

To be in our child’s memories tomorrow, we have to be in their lives today

Let’s start creating memories with our kids today that will last a lifetime, both for our children and us as parents. Because when we look back, we can smile and say, that having kids was indeed the best decision of our lives!

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Comments: 12

  1. iris kuah October 4, 2013 at 7:25 am Reply

    Susan, as a working mum you’ve already put in a lot of effort. I’m sure Sophie can feel it. :)) And this year alone, you had brought her to 2 countries! That’s very good experiences and memories that you’ve created for her! :)) Whether you are a stay at home mum or working mum, I’m sure it’s a decision that is made out of the best interest for Sophie and the family. So don’t be too hard on yourself. :)) You are a great mum!

    • Susan October 4, 2013 at 12:04 pm Reply

      Thanks for your encouragement Iris. We have different set of challenges as working mums and what’s most important is to make the most of whatever time we have with the kids to impart to them values and build up their characters while creating precious childhood memories. Let’s jia you together.

  2. Ai Sakura October 4, 2013 at 9:53 am Reply

    this is beautiful and sums up most of my feelings about being a FTWM as well. The guilt is definitely there but I believe we are all doing the best we can, with whatever time we have 🙂 have a great family weekend!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    • Susan October 4, 2013 at 5:28 pm Reply

      Yes, Ai. I have to remember that and cherish the times with her by being in the moment with her. You have a good weekend too 🙂

  3. The Little Mom October 4, 2013 at 4:39 pm Reply

    I agree with you and Ai. The guilt is always there, its just how we work out the best and not let the guilt take the better of us.

    • Susan October 7, 2013 at 6:02 pm Reply

      Yes, we sometimes gotta remember not to sweat over it and make the most of whatever time we have with the family.

  4. Jasmine October 4, 2013 at 6:55 pm Reply

    I think it is also very easy to be a distracted parent whether you work or stay at home. Thanks for the post and the reminder to be present for our kids before it’s too late.

    • Susan October 10, 2013 at 4:51 pm Reply

      I try not to get distracted with my smart phone but I tend to go trigger happy on my camera and sometimes forget it’s better to be with her than have so many photos of her.

  5. Candice October 5, 2013 at 2:09 pm Reply

    i feel you, susan! i do wish i have more time for the kids and all my leave are spent with them. yes, no couple vacation this year! i get surprised by how much my kids learn throughout the week when we spend the whole day together on weekends. thankfully the teacher at his CC do send me some pic updates too. i feel happy and sad when i see them – happy to see him enjoying, sad that i’m missing out on these.

    then again, i try to see it from another perspective. i’m not just a mother but a partner to my spouse in our little family unit. by working means i somewhat lessen my husband’s burden and don’t nag at him so much. haha! so i guess we can’t have it all. unless we dio 4D or TOTO big!

    let’s just do our best to be in our kids’ lives as much as we can! jiayou!

    • Susan October 10, 2013 at 4:57 pm Reply

      Yes, for working mums like us we have to make the best of what we have be with quality time or rare quantity time. In a sense, I appreciate having a job that keeps my market value up just that ironically it comes at a price too with less time for the family. Hopefully when Sophie is older,I can find a part time job so that I can coach her in her studies.

  6. Debs G October 5, 2013 at 6:17 pm Reply

    It’s not quantity time that counts, but quality time. SAHMs like myself sometimes fall into the trap of being overwhelmed by everything else (housework, text messages, cooking, THE INTERNET) and thinking that we have plenty of time for the kids. Next thing you know, it’s suddenly 5pm and the whole afternoon is gone. Thanks for this reminder!

  7. Corsage @ A Dollop Of Me October 7, 2013 at 11:03 pm Reply

    I echo what Jasmine and Debs G say! The reminder to be intentional parents who are present more often for our children is a message for us all. Thank you for this. And may you find the best balance of work and family that will meet the most important needs for you and your loved ones!

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